Beauty queen of only eighteen

2007-10-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

i have moved

2007-10-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

w64k.
cg is funny and likes to "chiong".. and the one to avoid on bdae..
greg is sometimes funny..sometimes emo..
sean cai, hmmm clone of chunhong?
sean marcus tan, still as crazy or mayb crazier..
michelle sporty safra db girl.. ( im an ex rp db girl.. LOL)
munirah, sweet girl and a dancer..
aqila, hip hop dancer..
aminah's stylo milo..
harry is hardworking( i suppose so)
ziwei loves loves pink( and hello kitty)
khai , super mario anyone?
jonathan, err not much impression..guai guai boy..
p... i think its patricia.. i cant remember her name.. sporty and bball player..
nahh, im no stalker.. i just enjoy observing ppl.. it creeps me out sometimes thou..

thats only about half of the class.. i couldnt remember the other half.. LOL..
so much for sincerity.. LOL..

AND so, im lying on top of my big pile of clothes now..
was throwing/clearing out some clothes and am too lazy to place the others back..
maria pls! LOL.. shut up jess..
i think cg is right.. we are crazy.. no no no, i still refuse to accept tt..

upcoming events
sec sch gathering...
w64k class outing...
cupcake making session..
meet up with yeing and vin...
meet up with wx...
wakeboarding, cable ski in batam...
spa...

things to do
study for the upcoming uts..(which i happen to be having tmr, and im only 3/4 done)
transfer moola to the spree organizer..
facial
tan
do smth to the bursting cupboard
~~shopping~~save

i think im gonn fail the saving part... i need my sugar daddy...
in which the daddy refer to my daddy.. real blood related dad.
he will be back on monday morning..
misses<3

2007-10-03T19:55:00.000+08:00

i hate to say this but i think i hate b.
plain annoying, naggy and awfully unappreciative..
i hate ppl who doesnt appreciate and those who take things for granted.

knn.

ystd was spend attending school, doing online shopping( again!), followed by the interview workshop after sch with jess.
interesting i will say.
the beginning was boring however half way thru the beginning it got pretty interesting..
dinner with bro, his gf and dad ended the day.

dad is away at bali, no good.
my face is peeling, no good..
shopping at vivo with wx, good.
talking to wx, good.
tanning by the beach, good.
looking tan, good.

2007-10-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

too poor.

too much online sprees.. and earlier on, i was still discussing with the spree coordinator on how shiok it is to join overseas spree because of the low price and not bad quality. but rlly la, with the amount of money i can only buy a few clothes in singapore but in overseas spree i can get twice the amount of clothes with the same amount of moola..the only downside is that it usually take 1-2 months for the clothes to be ship in and all.. but its all worth it in the end i guess?? i shall cross my finger.

(Operating system concept) C122 u.t on thurs and (systems analysis and design)C202 ut on fri, yeap its back to back.. arugh.. i rlly need to do well this semester..

throat is still painful.. oh shit, i forgot to take medicine today! ok bye im gonna take my medicine and then shall read up on C122 and C202 before i slp..

2007-09-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

fuck the flu bug.

i caught the flu bug that have been lurking ard the school.
so im officially down with a fever, a major split headache and a disgustingly sore sore throat..
and just by swallowing water makes me groan in pain.. thus to prevent myself from starving to death, I'm learning to replace my meal with overcooked cabbage, tofu, smoothie, seedless grapes, steam chicken thighs and not forgetting tonnes of left over mooncakes from the mid autumn festival and also ice cream to satisfy my sweet tooth. notice the similarity between those food? yeap, smooth and easy to swallow. ok damn, it sounds so wrong..

dad is bringing me to the doc tmr.. now i have to skip sch not once but twice in a row.. its not that im complaining about skipping school but haiz.. nonetheless there goes my 2 "off" days..

2007-09-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

my favorite past time..
reading under the lovely sun..

2007-09-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

and if love rlly comes knocking this time..
i will embrace it.. no more chickening out jess, no more..

Fine dinning@Oso Ristorante

2007-09-15T04:13:00.000+08:00

My Friday night was spend fine dining with Jerica at the elegant milanese-style restaurant, Oso Ristorante..

i had( cant remember what Jerica order, HAHA):
1.)Bread( complimentary),balsamico sauce and olive oil.

2.)Antipasto(appetizer)
Melanzane, oven baked eggplant with tomato sauce and mozerella.

3.)Insalata(salad)
Parmigiano,mixed salad in balsamico dressing with shaved cheese.

4.)Pesce(fish)
Merluzzo, roasted cod filet in balsamico sauce served with rosemary potato

5.)Dolce(dessert)
Crostata, hot dark chocolate tart with milk ice cream.

The cheese for the parmigiano(salad) was shaved in the cheese room mins before it was served. According to the waiter, the cheese room had been classified as the first of its kind in Singapore. The cheese room not only showcases cheese( duhhh~), uniquely presented cold cuts are also displayed in the glass covered cheese room, with specific temperature! And top marks for the dark chocolate Costata!!!!!!! Conclusion?? The food is definitely impressive! oh ya btw , the meal cost me quite a bomb..

and cheers~

Sch is starting, damn it. my laptop still down, im hopping down to sim lim tmr to see if i can get it fix otherwise i will have to wait another 2 weeks for the dumb spare part to arrive.. and also to pay an unreasonable amount of money for it. im usually not too willing to splurge when it comes to gadget..

i think i've overspent my money this sch holiday .. 1.2k in 3 weeks? thats the end result of my "oh-its-a-once-in-a-while-self-indulgence". haha so much for saying "im going to save 200bucks a month".. no wonder Rachel laughed when i told her that.. now i get it.. lol..

2007-09-08T22:24:00.001+08:00

Thai food at Golden Mile with dad ystd and Thai food at Golden Mile AGAIN today with pam pam.. Im obsessed with Thai food!( think tomyum soup and mango salad) You had probably catch us blowing our nose once every few seconds , all thanks to the ultra spicy Thai food. yeap, it was quite a sight.. lol.. Nonetheless, thai food is the sex! we enjoy every single drop of it..

Malaysia trip(KL+Genting) with the babes were great..
Shopping, massage, food, booze, drunk, scream, movie and not forgetting the laughing marathon we had.. spent approx S$450( excluding the coach and hotel)... i donte see myself spending tt much thou, i think most of the ka-ching was spend on food! like always.. HAHA..

nd oh ya, i've decided that i wun club on my bdae.. clubbing on bdae is quite pointless( and nth special), except that this time i will be able to slap MY( my id, not jayne's and not pam's) id at the bouncer's face because im officially 18 which also mean legal to most of the clubbing scene in singapore=) so yeap, anyway i will probably indulge in a spa getaway trip with some of the closer friends.. and mayb register for basic theory with jayne? will see, not quite into driving thou..

Things to do:
1.)Batam trip tmr with dad and granny..
2.)Storytelling workshop in school..
3.)Fine dining at the jewel box with mq next week. i seriously cant remember when was the last time we fine dine together. probably a 4 course dinner in the cable car.. and thats self indulgence<3
4.)Facial before sch start..
5.)Touch up my highlight on either thurs/friday..
6.)Start saving for rainy days..( yeah rite, haha.. i will TRY.. rlly..)

2007-08-31T18:17:00.000+08:00

Danielle Steel- the wedding

I spent one and a half day glued to this novel - the best yet.

And I can't believe myself for crying the shit out of me - over the novel.
But what I really didn't see it coming - how could a fucking novel get soooo good?!
The ending was superb and it seriously touches my heart and before i realised the tears starting forming..

I'm going for "the prayer" and "granny's dan" of Danielle Steel's next,
which have been sitting on the shelf since 2 weeks ago..

And I wondered why I've always been so into storybooks...

2007-08-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

On these deep,
rainy afternoons, with each drop sliding so slowly down the windowpanes,
moments seem to stretch until they're painful.
Alone in a bare white room,
I cannot help but let my mind wander,
trying to fill these hours of longing and vile emptiness with a bittersweet oblivion

2007-08-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

1 more week to the monstersteer trip..
2 more days to meet up session with shermain..
3 more days AND SCHOOL IS FINALLY OFF!!!!!

my plan is to shop till i drop in malaysia..
ok well, not exactly drop.. but somewhere there..

have been putting off partying recently(which also mean i haven been burning calories on the dance floor)...due to the fact that im saving up hard for the monsterteer getaway aka shopping trip..
and being the poor, incomeless student doesnt help..
booo.. i wish im born with a silver spoon, a golden spoon will be better or mayb even a diamond spoon... oh stop! a titanium one will be best..

ok i shall stop my nonsense..
theres this small water blister growing on the corner of my nose...
in which if u haven know is the result of the flu i had last weekend..
ok anyway, the blister is fucking painful and its oozing liquid.. its rlly annoying because i got to clean up the nose every now and then because when the liquid harden it form smth which look like "pi sai"( nose dirt) .. and i really donte wan to walk ard with a pi sai look alike..

ok bye!

2007-08-17T14:00:00.000+08:00

"the next entry will be a happy and a good one.." is not happening..
haven been feeling good, both emotionally and physically..
neither have i been having good night sleep.. ok whats new?

Genting trip on the 27th with the BFFS=)
better entry the next time round..

2007-08-02T17:40:00.000+08:00

I'm "single" which also mark the fact that im " free" again.( just ended the not here nor there relationship)

Reason for ending the relationship, i couldnt make the final step. i couldnt trust. So last night i called him up, telling him that this relationship arent going to blossom.And we shouldnt waste our time on smth like this. I told him things which i haven told anyone. it never feels as good as you imagine but I am nonetheless... relieved.

still struggling with guilt. A guilt that gnaws every once in a while. A guilt that's not supposed to be. But it is. It's not a personal guilt, but more of a fear of social opinion, like shame, as if I'm obliged to cut even with every familiar, curious face I meet on the streets. Not that they'd be interested. But I'd just hate to think of what's going on behind that "hey jessamine! See you ard!" Not that it should matter to me. But it does.

Maybe I should just have more faith in humanity again. That if I do not judge, the chances are, others won't either.

It's not an outcome of a deliberate, concious action. But a need. A weak helpless cry from within, that renders us all bitches, sluts, bastards and jerks.

I might be gone for quite some time. Goodbye now

2007-07-26T12:06:00.000+08:00

i know that the worst criticism levied on myself comes from me.
and i have stupid fears that other people see me painted in those drab colours as well.

run run run.

i have that habit of escaping so they won't see

craving affirmation
of a 'box-less' me in the other's mind.

but that's for later.
i know that i'm tired now.
so with full knowledge,
i am going to hide away for now
i'm sticking my head in the ground

2007-07-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

2007-07-22T01:50:00.000+08:00

L.O.V.E
its worst than dieting..

i suck at love..
i think i should give up on that shit..
love never work on me, it used to.. but not anymore..
Diana say that im too protective.. too afraid of getting hurt..
yeah i agree.. i never let infatuation go too far, i stop when it could have gone further..
cause im too scared of getting hurt..

love can kiss my ass..

2007-07-19T15:33:00.000+08:00

mind over body...
its all in the mind...

2007-07-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

classic Caesar salad with additional smoked salmon IS THE SEX..
and so is the classic carrot cake from THE COFFEE BEAN...

studying with gf is definitely the wrong choice cause we spent most of the time gossiping... ok tts not new..
but i really enjoy chilling at the coffee bean( holland v), the coffee place else where is always too crowded and noisy..
reached the home sweet home at around 3am.. fucking tired..
almost couldnt make it for the c121 workshop..

met up with xiu qi and donavan after the workshop, went k box-ing...
and i no longer like singing, i kept on pushing to mic to xq and donavon.. oh wel hobby changes as u grow right?

Well, xq commented tt im rather skeptical when it comes to matter of heart..i donte know..
but it doesnt really bothers me though, i just want to live life and enjoy it..

p.s erh jessica, see? i went to the workshop..not a min late=)

2007-07-16T23:14:00.001+08:00

i want to fall in love.
i just decided this.
being single was nice.
but im over it.

2007-07-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

happy bdae lolli! attended his 1 yr old bdae party.. he is so cute.. i wonder if all ang moh mixed chinese baby are so cute.. i've 3 relatives who married an ang moh.. mayb i will be the 4th?? ahha.. ok thats so not the point..

i think i need to start thinking of what i want for my coming( ok not quite coming, but soon) 18th birthday=)

2007-07-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

boys.

Why are they so slow?
Why does it take them so long to ask girls out?
I've had bad experiences with guys that took too long.
&I am so not letting that happen again.

You sent me home when u stay all the way in the east.
I'd say you probably like me;
no guy spares that much time for no reason.
So, boy...?

ASK ME OUT.

Now or never…
The boy just don’t get it..

2007-07-13T16:13:00.000+08:00

ANGRY BIATCH..

im angry, tired and all emo.. all because of the LACK OF SLP.. the phrase lack of slp however is not exactly UNCOMMON when it comes from someone who is diagnosed with insomnia.. ok whatever..

i've skipped school for many days and im not at all guilty at all.. which is err... i guess not normal? bro is getting worried for me not going school, and he even tried to use roti prata to make me go school.. haha how cute..

cuzzy claudia held her wedding at swissotel ystd.. i swear she look fucking stunning, probably the most beautiful bride i've ever seen.. the bling bling on her neck was WOW WOW WOW.. LOL... and i was telling cuzzy jeri that 10 yrs down the road we will be the one walking down the aisle.. HAHA and then we started bickering who will be the one to get married first..

reef party on sat? yes? no? hmm...
we will see...

2007-07-11T02:01:00.000+08:00

Was on the phone with xiuqi a min ago...and i did smth which put the both of us in an awkward situation... because i dont like to talk on the phone so i came with this funny excuse which say " err.. i need to go and bath my dog", ok so u think theres nth wrong with it? the problem is that ALL MY FRIENDS know that im scared of dog,i donte even dare to get close to a dog what more bath a dog and furthermore i donte even own a dog.. HAHAHAHAHA.. so yeap, xq know the fact that i donte really fancy dog..AWKWARD.. and so after i told her tt i need to bath my err... dog, then came a long stretch of silent.. and i quickly regained my senses and said, hey gtg.. bye.. muack.. im such a horrible friend.. eww...

thats when i realized how much i detest talking on the phone..to the extent of having to "bath my dog".. tsk...

i sort of skipped school today( yea i noe, i suck), met diana for dinner at cartel..after which we decided to get some colourful rings in the basement because we think that we've got too much time to spare.. so off we went.. the donuts look so pretty, taste not bad too=) i personally think that it tasted better than donut factory's.. and the queue is definitely a lot shorter than donut factory's.. queue at donut factory is fucking ridiculous..

anyway, nana and i are thinking of going to club med (bintan) this sch holiday.. but im not sure if daddy allows.. because according to my parents, thailand and indonesia are very dangerous for what so ever reason.. but i still do wish tt daddy allows, pllleeeaaaseee dad=)

2007-07-09T23:45:00.001+08:00

3/4 of the class wore green today..
nope, we didn't pakap/pagap/pakab/pagab( which also mean to arrange in advanced)...

LIVE EARTH YO!

wore my self proclaim "CUTE" green dolly dress today, in which btw received comments like " y u wear ur mom apron, hahaha" and "haha, u r wearing maternity dress...( continued with endless evil laughter)"... tsk... * roll eyes 360 degrees.. and sorry fren, i donte think its funny..

orh ..did i mention tt i didnt club last week?? and so i made it=)
i donte wan to club this week too.. too traumatized over what had happen ...
oh shut up... i donte wan to think about it...
eww eww ewwwwww...

6 more weeks to sch holiday.. yes yes yes!
dad ask if i wan to go macau during the hols..
like wtf? i cant rlly gamble go macau for wad? for the steam milk arh?

2007-07-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

i had a wierd dream last night..
im not complaining about the dream cause it felt pretty good...
its so so so so real.. and orh... i like.. AHHAHAH...
fuck, i cant believe i said all tt..
hehehhee.... come ask me about my dream, and i might tell u=)
hohohoho...

pam told me about my "advanture" last weekend at zouk..
and i couldnt remember like 3/4 of it.. so yeap.. i was WASTED yet again...
couldnt recall most of the things she told me..
but i can conclude tt it was a wild wild night=X
and i think pam pam is addicted to clubbing now.. er orh... HAHA..
i released her inner monster.. roarrr...

anyway i failed my NEW WEEK resolution, skipped school today... only went for the ut..
haha yeah i suck.. but im rlly rlly rlly determine to NOT CLUB THIS WEEKEND...
and if i do go club.. u can take a knife and stab it into me.. ok mayb not tt serious..
im just trying to show how determine i m.. so donte waste ur time persuading me ok=)

xoxo

2007-07-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

&&
YES I SAY NO CLUBBING THIS WEEKEND!

listen up,
nth can make me club this weekend..
N.O.T.H.I.N.G
so stop tempting!

on the otherhand, i went school today=)
no leaving half way thru.. althou i wasnt listening in class..
but at least I WENT SCHOOL!!!
so yay! i sound so bimbotic-_-

2007-07-01T10:26:00.000+08:00

i came up with my so called "new week(yr) resolution" list...

1.) go school faithfully... NO MORE EXCUSES
2.) no more leaving sch halfway thru..
3.) strictly no clubbing next week..

ok i rlly got to go sch like everyday.. i must! my grades are rlly suffering=(
and no more wasted night.. haha..

as my friends, pls pls pls.. do me these favours.. push and drag or do whatever u can to make me go to school.. and another favour is DONTE ASK ME FOR CLUBBING THIS WEEKEND...

im coughing really badly.. bad sore throat.. so no clubbing ok?=)

2007-06-27T04:04:00.000+08:00

"for me, i always like my boyfriend to go out with my friends, and amingle with them and get to know them. i wouldnt mind going out with my boyfriend's friends also. this is call 'gathering information of your boyfriend and better understanding'. (HAHA!)"

quoted the above from one of my ex's blog.. if u haven realised, he is gay..
and i didnt know it until 10 mins ago and i was practically dumbfounded...
im cool with gay ppl, but my ex bf is gay? and i didnt know it after many yrs?
HAAHHAA im such a lousy ex gf.. ok at least tt proved tt i donte stalk on my ex..
and smth extra... he used to date colin(the infamous gay couple in sg ,colin and kero)..
AHHAHHAA.. its so errr... funny??

im so full from the supper(*rub tummy)...
jess stop eating!
HAHAHHAHHAA...

2007-06-24T02:06:00.000+08:00

" TAK GLAM"

according to jessica,
i was so not glam...
c mon lo at least i managed walked down the flight of stairs without falling..
haha.. ok la. i still love you<3

and so i got wasted intentionally( note the word, intentionally).. haha..
but it was so much fun..

oh yeah and on the other hand, i've moved on.. in one way or another...
i felt so much better now...

the 3 loves of my life<3

2007-06-21T18:14:00.000+08:00

yucks.. i feel so loser-ish today..
why?

i woke up in the morning for school which i skipped in the end..
ok anyway, the story( not exactly a story but rather the scenario) goes like this..
*ring ring( alram clock) so as usual i climbed out of my cozy bed to snooze the alarm clock..
and then *bom ,
i fell... ouch.. my knee is red and probably blue black tmr...

another reason why i felt loser-ish is tt im still sick.. which equals to weak...
and weak in turn spelled loser..

eee... im so loser-ish..

2007-06-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

hi...

skipped sch ystd.. all thanks to the crying that left me with a pair of ugly swollen red eyes the next day.. and on top of that, my temperature is soaring high, my throat is dry as fuck , and my nose is running like it has never ran before, and my WHOLE body is aching... and now im having difficulties typing cause my fingers are stiff and numb...

*i just blew my nose and to my horror/dismay , i saw a mixture of fresh blood and clots.. eww..

2007-06-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

i was cying fuck just now. it makes me wonder what life is all about and which always then led me into a frenzy and poof all of a sudden everything seems right again..
so what the fuck is wrong??

i need to stop acting like everything is fine when its not...
i need to quit staining every inch of my quilt with tears that pours out of my eyes like it doesnt want to stay inside my horrible body...
i wan to be happy...

Is that too much to ask for???
I've never know that part of me is suffering... and yes i finally know what the reason why my period started playing the game of mia with me.. all i know is it all started a yr ago... i donte know exactly when, how or why.. it just happened and before i know it, it all came crashing down...
too much shit to handle, too little faith...

the person i am right now, does not like to breathe. i cant stand the fact that i exist , and i wish i could be done with. like im done with this..

Unfortunately its never that easy...

these tears are blocking my vision..please stop.. i cant anymore.. u noe...

friends, pls do noe ask me if im ok bcos NO IM DEFINATELY NOT OK...
and donte ask me anything about this entry..
just pretend tt this entry never existed... thanks..

2007-06-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

nope..im not back yet... 2 more days baby..

im at some cyber cafe called "cyber tonight".. doesnt it sound wrong?? i was laughing my head off when i saw tt.. n btw, it cost only S$1 per hr...and the connection is pretty good, just a little slower slower then what i've got back in singapore...ok its not too bad so... shut up..

the funeral stuff is more or less done.. poor mummy... she is drained out..
ok anyway wed is the so called "7th day".. so yeap.. so after the 7th day i will be back in singapore! hohoho...

indonesia is a nice place to live in.. most importantly ,the things are dirt cheap... esp food! forget about e clothes cos the clothes are way too UGLY... good food are cheap too, we have been eating out in restaurent for almost every meal, and each meal cost only like S$10 for 5 person.. hahaaha so cheap!!!!

i cant wait to be back in singapore.. i miss my friends=)

2007-06-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

me: i think im suffering from insomnia...
doc: is there anything tts bothering you? cos tt might be the reason behind it..
me: nope..
doc: really??
me:yes(tons, i just donte trust anyone enough to tell them whats wrong..)
doc: i will refer u to a psychologist then..
me: ok

haha..ok so thats pretty crazy.. on the other hand, seeing a psychologist might be good for me..
anyway im flying in about 3 hrs time...got to go to the airport now..

bye... back on thurs later afternoon..

2007-06-07T21:00:00.000+08:00

hi ya!
im back from indo.. need to settle some of uncle's stuff in singapore.. so after settling the stuff we are flying back to indo on sat morning again..

The death procedure is tedious like err i dunno what..and mom is almost going nuts over all the paper work.. bahh... uncle's death affected me ALOT.. i mean i cried after i heard about the death..
recalling how he used to give me extra cash for sweets when im young or buying toys for me.. i mean he really doted on me, mayb its because he donte have a child and so he treated me like his... well i dunno.. arughh.. enough said.. im starting to tear..

im so tired from all the travelling... i need rest.. however! im still suffering from insomnia!!! so yeap.. poor thing=(

smth random.. i <3 air plane food...

2007-06-05T04:19:00.000+08:00

it's usually the case when you are leaving

that you realize how much you are loved,
how much you love
and all that you are leaving behind.

i almost wish she is still here..

but she's gone...
rip my dearest..

dear friends, i wun be in singapore till further notice..
some stuff happen and we need to fly over early this morning..

2007-06-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

life is so short..
one day u r here, and u r gone the next...

im sad..

2007-06-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

bad day..

dad was supposed to drive me to the doc this afternoon, but he was late..
got held up by his church stuff.. so there goes my doc appointment..
so i guess i just have to bear with the insomnia shit for a few more days..

and for ur info, i haven slept in 3 days... YES and that's 72hrs for you=(

2007-05-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

i just woke from my evening nap.. heh..fresh and happy=)
which make me want to sing out loud with my beautiful vocal "what a wonderful world..."
LMAO..

i've just finished the finale of all heroes, grey's and ugly betty..
which mean i've got no more series to watch now!!!!!!!!

i cried like unclose tap for both grey's and ugly betty=(
now my eyes are swollen and puffy..
enough to make me looking like a rabbit..

the last eisode of grey's make me laugh and cry.. LOL... yang's eyebrow was shaven, accordng the burke's mother.. its a tradition for MRS burke.. then i realised how eyebrow is so important to us.. anyway i rlly want yang and burke to get married lo... it was so sad to see yang cry, she was always the strong one among all the interns and she never cry once lo.. or did she? nvm.. and why wasnt meredith and mcdreamy together? they shld be!!!!

boring...

ok im going back to sleep .. yes again..

2007-05-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

RECAP(sec sch class outing)

Steamboat with sec sch classmates last weekend... haven seen them for like a million yrs?? and god knows why we started reminiscing the good sec 4 days... aww those were the days... days when we got scolded and punished as a class, days when the english rep( jay, xian hao, jerome, me) were made to copy that SHORT version of the fucking oxford dictionary.. And definitely days when we diligently copied the POA homework during assembly.. LOL..

Jim beam-ed and movie at morv's hse next with the guys.. nope, none got drunk.. guess we drank too slowly due to overly engross in the reminisce of the GOOD OLD DAYS.. HAHA.. fall aslp at 5am? woke up at 6am to go home.. got to get home before dad does.. managed to catch a breakfast together with the guys before they sent me off.

did i mention that michael treated the 6 of us( including himself) the bungee thingy at clarkquey.. i literally screamed my head off when we "flew" up.. and i almost laughed my ass off when we came down..the funniest thing was tt i tried to remain cool and acted the no-its-nt-at-all-scary face when we came down.. never did i know that the video taken were with sound...

so the conversation goes like this...

me: chey not scary one lo..( heart pumping like mad thou)
bungee employee: u sure?
me: yea la... normal lo...
bungee employee: but u screamed the loudest...go look at the video.....( purposely on the vol loudest-_-)

so yeah, all of them heard it.. how embarrassing... bahh..

thanks Michael...
bungee..
we've conquered it=)

2007-05-25T01:04:00.001+08:00

WHATEVER!

Yes it is pretty obvious that no one knows how the future will pan out and what God has up his sleeve is anyone's guess.

But till then, I will be living through conviction. Doing what I think ought to be done.

And note to self: As you have seen, wisdom is needed.

2007-05-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

JESSAMINE NO LIKE SCHOOOLLLL.....
neither does she like u.t( understanding test)

i only like the classmates.. or to be specific, the particular eye candy...heez..
school holiday in approximately a week time.. yeaaahh.. FINALLY...

Cash is running low, thus tt explain me slogging at work every alternate day..
Sugar daddy/mummy out there.. hellloooo..*wave frantically* im available ok?
LOL...HAHa kidding la.. Lately the shop have got not enough manpower due to the opening of parkway parade outlet.. so yeah tt explain...( the cash on low is somehow a little true thou.. HOHO)

Im not too sure where did all my money go to actually, probably in the safe keeping of the food vendor.. bahh...

i need more money for clothes, clubbing and of cos FOOD!!!!

i think i miss my mummy, am i?? otherwise, shld i?
I ponder from time to time asking myself "m i a bad daughter"..then came "on the other hand, is my mom a good mom???". ok ppl, before u jump to conclusion saying tt im unfilial and all.. i will tell u, donte bother.. cos its unexplainable and totally indescribable.. really.. theres more to meet the eyes.. im deeper than u guys think i am.. enough said..

smth random, my sch sells yummylicious waffle=)

xoxo.

2007-05-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

Peer influence, or rather peer pressure=)

My classmate skip school like 64578643908346 a week, so did i=X

2007-05-21T04:49:00.000+08:00

RROOOAAARRRRR!!!!!!!IM EXHAUSTED!!!!!!

ok anyway its 5am( and i need to wake up like 6.30am for sch) and im still nt yet aslp...
i rlly wan to sleep la!!!!!!!!!
im like fucking deprive of sleep CAN CAN CAN!!!???!!!!!!!
i swear i will be fucking moody tmr lo...

SUPERNATURAL..
fucking nice, exciting and scary...

zouk with rach and jessica last friday...
drank quite abit and we had great fun! hor jessica hor!

I would love to not go to school today.. but tt mean i will not be able to see my dearest jessica and the eye candy in my class.. HAHA.. did i mention tt i've got soft spot for cute malay guys?? anyway i have.... HAHAHA.. yeahness to racial harmony!! woohooo..

2007-05-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

do u wan "true or dare?"

today i had the REAL "true or dare" game with my classmates...
the "dare" were damn gross and "true" were fucking erotic and sexual...
eg. licking neck(yucks), kissy(its a must in the game isnt it?),twisting of nipple( poor *k), sucking of litle pinky( erotic hor)
eg. * first sexual experiance(freaking funny), how "far" did u go(HAHA), masterbation(*M we all noe ur dirty little secret)...

it was HILARIOUS... im glad tt i've got happening classmates..
met up with nana( diana la! i gave her the cute name nana) aft sch, had waffle..
ITS TUE! half price! yum yum..
HAHA...

2007-05-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

trial and error..
its the way of growing up...

2007-05-11T19:58:00.000+08:00

Someone help me with my pp pls( prfessional profiling)
im totally clueless.. rlly..

they say read the website lo...
u think so easy meh.. i oso noe how to read..
but whether u read and understand is the question..
and obviosly i donte understand right!

pp sucks...

2007-05-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

While watching tv,
granny commented smth..

granny: wow, this group sing really well
mk bro: orh... this group is very popular..
me:( came out of room to see which group they were talking about)

AND GUESS WAD?! its linkin park! my granny like linkin park!
what a ROCK granny i've got..( nope she doesnt wear thick eyeliner, skinny jeans or studded belt)

Speaking about my granny,frankly speaking i think she look really pretty ...
Unlike those typical fat friendly ah ma, those with short perm hair.. wear floral MATCHING shirt n pants.. My granny has long black hair( dyed of cos), SKINNY!( she weigh lighter than me! HMPF),attitude and urber cool... and sometimes i felt intimidated by her.. why? cos she always tell me bout how she used to weigh 45kg even after giving birth to my 6th uncle.. ok.. i weigh tt when im in like lets say sec 2? fuck it..

diet hasnt been good.. no.. shld i say bad.. yes i shld..
bad bad bad.. but i wan more breast ...so how? more breast, fatter.. or skinnier with no breast=(but u noe.. being skinny is not all tt matter after all.. self confident is the THANG.. recently, i saw a not so skinny girl.. but she is stunning! i can feel her confident.. perhaps its the way you carry urself and you know the confidence... c'mon look at queen latifah... she isnt skinny but she literally glow! excuse me, i've got some money in the bank. Can i buy confidence from u pls=) ok lame i noe..anyway i think i shld blog less bout dieting.. otherwise this blog is going to become yet another boring diet blog.. with boring entry like what i ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner... B.O.R.I.N.G...

alrte... u.t(understanding test) sucks today..
html, html and more html.. i like html, but having to face html and java for like the whole day is truely a torture..

im always talking about sleeping early and all.. but hey.. look at the time now..
and i doubt tt i will go to bed after this entry..

2007-05-08T14:29:00.000+08:00

YIIPPPEEEEE!!!!

jessamine is so happy now and is fucking excited about later...
yeahhh i've waited for this and finally im getting it!!!!!!
hush hush=)

tertiary fling( special edition) is this thurs and carfe del mar party is next tues..
sad enough...i cant go to either one, cos daddy is not working on the next day of both party.. and confirm, guarantee plus chop daddy wun allow me to go!!!!unless i lie to him and say its a chalet or smth lyk tt.. but no!!!! im alrdy guilty for lying to him about the " best friend" bdae last sat.. yes! i shall be a good girl and stay home this week and hopefully next week too... shall club only when dad work night shift the next day=) yes thats it!

last sat at mos was a blast.. i mean not exactly a blast, but its rlly fun... HAHAH... i like clubbing with jessica lo=)

2007-05-07T13:37:00.000+08:00

i opened the classroom door, saw the unfamilier faces..
"oh shit" wrong class...
close door..pretend nth happen...
shhh...

2007-05-05T01:03:00.000+08:00

AHHH CHHIIEEEWWWW!!!!!
im falling ill..( *hint hint* shantini can i have chicken essence again?LOL just kidding!)

happy bdae desmond the ass hole!!!!!!

8th may 07...
6pm..

2007-05-03T19:37:00.000+08:00

yeah i noe, its the second entry of the day.. but who cares...

jessica and i were walking to the atm when we saw morhinda suresh from "heroes"...
haha im kidding of cos, just someone who look like the photocopy version of the professor suresh... i mean he rlly look like the character u noe.. both jessica and i exclaimed when we saw him.. LOL.. guess we watch too much of the "heroes"...

and darling jessica, i seriously donte wan to be any of the heroes u created. i mean i do wan to be a super hero but definately not one with pubic hair sticking out, or one who crap all over her pants...

the below conversation is recall based on my poor memory so it might not be exactly the same but the idea is there..

jessica: my friend is having a bdae party this sat, u wan to come?
me: hmmm....
jessica: theres unlimited drinks...
me: well...
jessica: and unlimited food!!!!!
me: RLLY ARH?? i wan, i wan
jessica and me: HAHAHA...

i mean jessica noe me so well, and can definately play her card well.. like using the unlimited food to lure me go.. HAHA and it definately work! damn... i need to fucking stop being a miss piggy aka a glutton...

i've decided to take a hiatus from the whole dieting issue because it doesnt seem to work anymore.. and its just making me frustrated to keep on thinking of ways to slim down or at least not grow fat.. calorie counting is the most tiring activity on earth... so yeah, assuming tt i grow fatter or so..donte say a word alrte, just keep ur bloody mouth shut cos i noe my body better than anyone else...

P.E.A.C.E=)

2007-05-03T10:58:00.000+08:00

my tummy is hurting bad... and im running in out of the toilet..
my ass is burning and worse still,
im in school!!!!!

My body is telling me to go home; but my mind is asking me to stay..
and even if i wan to go home, i cant.. i've pp (professional profiling) talk at 11.40am=(
im not listening in class, nth go into my head and thus here i m blogging randomly yet again...

jess, pls tahan ok... few more hrs to 4 and then u can slp all u wan...
oh damn i cant, i've got test tmr=( as if i will study..
HAHA..aiya i will just slp when i go home la... or mayb nap abit during the second breakout since im not doing anything anyway...

my eyes are closing..

2007-04-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

while i was signing in, i suddenly thought of this.

what if i looked down at my keyboard, and when i look back up at my screen, the date had changed. and the msn homepage showed a page i had seen 6 months earlier.
and i had to live the last 6 months again. how awesome.

anyway, randoms thought aside, i just came back from ade's place.. her 18th bdae party... great food( sashimi,suhi, pizza,kfc), tons of drinks and lots of dancing... lucky her parents were away otherwise they would have die in shock seeing how badly we people were behaving and how messy the place were... poor maids... LOL..

and did i mention tt i went to the zouk annual celebration of hip hop?? anyway yeap i went, with kieve, ade and louis... i love zouk! yes i noe tt i've said tt a million times but rlly, zouk is way better than mos... and thanks for the drink kieve=)

im still a little high from the alcohol.. heh...
and also, im so broke now.. bahh...

from wad u can see, im high....
shake tt thang..
oei, kieve y my head cut off?
thats better....

2007-04-28T06:00:00.000+08:00

possibly due to lack of sleep and a state of unfit being,

but after two days of not getting proper sleep ,
i am tired!

but i do rejoice in the little things

like me meeting desmond, bickering about what a loser he is and how pussy he was to whine non stop because he got such a low tolerant for pain..

or doing shopping, chilling at the balcony and EVEN CLUBBING AT MOS... all this came AFTER we said tt we r on a tight budget.. ironic ? go figure..

and moving between decision and indecision, and try to be diplomatic about the choice between do and donte do...

and topping it all off, watching "grey's"," heroes","antm cycle 8" and loving every bit of it.
it was a good weekend afterall..

smile like u mean it=)

2007-04-26T20:41:00.000+08:00

body art is addictive!!!! TRUST ME!
i got my second earhole pierced while im in sec 1 and within a month, im on my 8th ear hole...
5 on the ear lobe, 1 tragus and 2 on the rim. Sadly, my tragus got into trouble and it split! so arughh... and it scare the hell out of me.. so i stopped..

BUT AFTER I GOT MY NAVEL PIERCED, im constanly thinking about getting a tattoo..
god, however im scared cos tattoo is permanant afterall.
grace told me to just put it at somewhere where i wun see so even if i do regret i wun be facing it everyday cos i wun be able to see it!

desmond is supposed to get his back ink today, but last min the tattoo artist couldnt make it. so he was rlly piss.. LOL...

i wan my tattoo too=(

[edit]
desmond is getting his tattoo tmr!!!!!! and i managed to persuade him to bring me along.. but its 10am tmr.. which mean i need to skip lesson=( shld i? shld i not? arughh... hmm... oh wel, he disallow me to skip sch.. bahh sucker.. desmond is such a sucker...assssss

2007-04-25T13:55:00.000+08:00

Last night at brewerkz was rlly fun... i like brewerkz beer...
Being the really nice ppl, keive and company( jasline, ade, aloy,louis) volunteered to pay for my dinner since i told them tt im on low budget.

We had the brewerkz cheese and onion soup each, yummy.. i love cheese..
For main, i ordered the brewerkz burger. grace ordered the bistro burger while jasline ordered smth call the brewerkz bbq combo.. the guys ordered curry( its rlly special), rack of lamb and a rib eye steak ....for desert we had errrrr, let me think... profitoroles( i think wrong spelling), its a coffee mousse with hot fudge... creme brulee, custard with truffle( the serve said tt the truffles were handmade!) last but not least NY CHEESECAKE!!!!!!! tell you arh, all the food tasted superb! i fucking love them...

And if u come to brewerkz and u didnt try the beer, u r rlly dumb.. cos they are famous for their beer!!!!! so anyway we had the fruity beer( i forgot the name, but its fruity)... heaven.. oh man, im drooling...

Enough said, hey i tot im supposed to be on diet? fcuk shit i forgot...

ok, i spent the whole morning trying to scan my ez link for some special purpose.. and its done!!!!!! all i have to do is the print it and tada!

im born to be garang... LOL..
my world revolve around food!
hehe, i think i look pretty sweet here.. LOL..

my sweet sixteenth celebration.. hope u had a great time! LOL..

2007-04-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

BEST RECIPE EVER, HAVE AS MUCH AS U WANt!!!!!

Get a clean glass
Walk forward, making sure you apply an even amount of weight on each foot
Check your back posture, and your neck also
With the hand of your choice, lift up the glass
Turn on the water
Fill up your glass
Bring to your mouth
Drink the whole thing with no more than two breaths
Wipe off any dripping water, using an even, circular motion
No burping allowed!

HAHA.. just for laugh...

2007-04-22T01:52:00.000+08:00

join track? i think im joining track.. for some strange reason, my beloved school donte call it track n field.. they call it road race...

doesnt it sound lovely? ok perhaps not lovely.. but interesting...
best of all, its cardio baby!!!!!
cardio=exercise
exercise=slim
slim=happy me
happy me= tattoo
tattoo= happier me

=))

i cant rlly run well, but i have to admit tt i love running...
but am just too lazy=X

so now, if i join "road race" there wun be any reason for me not runnning!!!!!!!!
i need to get more information on "road race" during this comin SLA fiesta...
all i noe now is training on tue n fri.. tts it..

2007-04-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

its time to start a small family of mine. says:

Russian lady married an
>Englishman and they came from Moscow to settle in London. Although the
>lady was not very fluent in English, she managed to communicate with her
>husband
>in very broken English and gestures.
>

Her biggest challenge was when
>she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher to buy
>chicken legs. She didn't know how to express herself so, in
>desperation, she clucked like a chicken and lifted her skirt to her knees
>to
>show her legs. The butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken
>legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know
>how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse and
>gave
>the butcher a glimpse of her breasts! The butcher again understood and
>gave her some chicken breasts.

The following week, the poor lady needed to
>buy juicy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought
>her
>husband to the store!

Now stop for a moment, and visualize what
>you think she did in her desperation

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>Hellooooooo...
>...her husband spoke English!
>

as usual.. desmond is lame like shit....
toally full of it...

2007-04-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious...

PEOPLE... PLS DO NOT WATCH MEET THE ROBINSONS!
we spent $6.50 only to doze off in the theatre..not once but twice did i doze off!!!! i mean its nt tt we were too tired BUT the movie is too fcuking DULL!!!!! i cant understand why did both jess and i received so many good reviews on the stupid show.. but i have to admit that the graphic is really good...nonetheless, i still think that ninja turtle will make a far better movie( right jessica?)..

oh anyway, jessica bumped into a cushion today.. AND ITS FCUKING HILARIOUS... We always talk about dieting( ok la, me only la) and the next moment u will see us gobbling the zinger burger like a scavenger...i always enjoy spending my day with jessica. We really do laugh our asses off every time we are together...

" Zinger meal is healthy, eat more..
theres lettuce and sesame seeds."-jessica sara

2007-04-17T14:48:00.000+08:00

X

me: hi, im pei wen. you can call me jessamine... and obviously im in my yr 2..
thats all..
facilitator: hobbies?
me:abit of everything.. yeap.. next...

X

thats my introduction to the new class..
cool and arrogant..
wadever..

the only entertainment in school is running to and fro from pam's class in between lessons( since her class is right next to mine)... im-ing monsterteers and of cos the lub jud queen( i love you!!!) bahh... wad an uncool entertainment man...

my navel is healing and its itchy.. i read tt its normal to react that way during healing thou...
jessica's snug is healing too, swelling and oozing pus.. YUCKS... but i rlly like her piercing.. LOL..
the price of beauty...

ciaoz dolls...

2007-04-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

Even the thought that sch is tmr scares me.

These only shows that we human are never satisfy…
We think of sch when it is hols..
And we think of hols when its sch..
HAHA..

So last night clubbing wasn’t tt great after all…
I rlly donte like the music.. neither rnb nor trance interest me…
And for a moment, i tot that the rnb last night was better than the trance…
BUT I had great fun with the “love jud” queen and the “debtor”..
We shall go club again soon=) with a little help from dearest jayne of cos…

2007-04-13T18:08:00.000+08:00

i actually wanted to keep this a secret until it fully heal or at least till my tummy get flatter b4 i show it off... but i realised tt i cant! im too excited to show off my navel PIERCING!!!! i've got the piercing video( thanks to jessica), ask me for it!!!!!

so now i believe tt piercing is contagious... even jess say so! after getting the navel pierced, im so tempted to get another.. surface piercing( neck) sound interesting but i wun be able to hide it since i've got even shorter hair now( yea i cut my hair again).. or mayb a tattoo?? a pair of mini wings( nicole richie) on the back??? oh so cute.. ok anyway tt will have to wait till im 18... just enough time for me to reconsider.. tattoo is afterall a permanant thing...

facial this morning.. and the beautican say tt my face is getting worse this time..#$%^&* and say i got fatter.. i felt like killing her! my face is now all red and swollen... bahh... wadever...and yeahh... dad's gf is leaving on sunday!! yeah yeah yeah! super good mood today...

MOS this sat with jess n ivan... ivan is so lucky to have both jesses tt night.. LOL.. anyway thx jayne for ur card!

2007-04-12T02:54:00.000+08:00

if only i can buy a flatter tummy, skinnier arms and slim thighs...
i will be happy...

2007-04-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

im back!!!
and the review on genting trip... NEVER ever go with couple..
cos my bro n his gf(kaz) were busy kissing ,quarrelling ,making up and the cycle repeat...
they had fun.. i had a little.. i need to get someone to go with me the next time round ..
hahaa just kidding la!

oh ya.. and we tried the cinema too... the differences are, we sat on osim massage chair instead of the normal chair... and the tix are only rm15.. freaking cheap pls...

i had lots of fun converting the currency while shopping.. haha...
ok im tired.. blog next time..

PHOTO TIME!!!!!!
Cute and naughty cuzzy..
another cute and naughty cuzzy...
me and kaz in the car..
the never ending road...

bro n i..
hotel lobby...
kaz n i..
first world plaza..
this look freaking kuku.. while playing the motion master..heh..

2007-04-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

Ever since she came..
I’ve been struggling..

And after nights of emotion struggling...
im picking myself up slowly..
no choice, i have to... i need to...
but i rlly do wonder why i cant be like my bros..
they donte seem give a damn about this matter at all...
i mean i rlly do wan to be like them sometimes... in one way or another....

oh shit oh shit...
sch starting.. fuck fuck fuck...

i hate it...

things left undone..
1.) fine dinning n spree with jeri..
2.) gym( never seem to be done, damn.. haha)
3.) navel piercing!( kaz told me tt navel pierce is one motivation to lose weight!)
4.) facial..
5.) hair colouring...

2007-04-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

My emotions are snowballing…
Soon it will explode…

Yes
E x p l o d e….

2007-04-08T23:12:00.000+08:00

Strong on the outside;
Soft in the inside...

Why donte my dad get it???
the gf is simply the reason for all my late nights out...

like i've expected and as well as predicted...
the trip, was a "buang" aka disaster...

i had fun with my bro and his gf thou..
all the food, yummylicious....

im starting to hate the family more and more..
nt rlly family, but my dad..
yet not exactly my dad... but the gf of my dad...
cant she just fucking get her stuff and go back to her fugly third world country like now?!?!
i donte welcome u in my hse... pls go back and never come back...

x

To the friends who stand by me, console me..
And for those who tried to console yet do not know how to go about doing it..
Thank you... all of your doings are truly appreciated..
u guys were great and definitely touching...
And most importantly, the motivation tt keep me going
and the reason for me not falling...

At this point of my life,
I tasted the bitterness of being unwanted;
i experience the sweetness of friendship...

Bittersweet..
yes, that’s the perfect description for now…

2007-04-07T02:08:00.000+08:00

i feel like i'm moving in slow motion, like i'm moving in slow motion but everything around me is moving so fast. and i just wanna go back to when things were normal.

i'm happy to play my part.
-Greys Anatomy.

x

LMAO..

In about 3 more hrs im going Malaysia! And yes! Im gonna buy dunkin donuts! Lots of it.. so who cares about what freaking donut factory now? Im not even amazed by the spicy cheese whatever shit thing…. Its not tt amazing and definitely not worth the queuing time..

Will be going kuantan to visit my grandpa’s brother( ok fine, im not good with the cheena greeting).. will be staying the night at his place follow by genting on the next, 3d2n…im gonna have lots of fun and not forgetting food alrte!!!! Food is so much compared to Singapore.. not to mention we r having buffet breakfast every morning!!!( jayne and pam, you guys know how much I love breakfast buffet right?)

bon voyage!

2007-04-06T08:50:00.000+08:00

ok, i must admit and agree tt im a loser. why?
because i fucking went to an underage party at dxo despite the warning from couple of friends!!!
and yes, underage party sucks like errr.. i dunno what....its beyond suckyness...
just fucking listen to my advice, DONT GO TO AN UNDERAGE PARTY....

i went with the right gang, the right people, the fun ppl, the funny ppl..
but c mon, wrong party...
at least I managed to share my different scenarios with the gang..

so anyway the night was saved because my beloved gugu( young, pretty and 18 yrs old auntie) asked if i wan to join her at ZOUK( yes its Z O U K)...
she will try and bring me in...and i dunno m i lucky or wad.. i literally just walk into the club, NO BOUNCER AT SIGHT!
man do i love tt place...i love the dj, i love love the music, i love love love zouk=)
i wan to go back to zouk! i will pester my aunt to bring me there again.. hehehe....

lesson learnt.
1.) NEVER GO TO AN UNDERAGE PARTY( full of ah lians and ah bengs)
2.) INSTEAD, GO ZOUK!!!!!!!!! i swear to god, u will love it...

2007-04-04T11:53:00.000+08:00

How To Be Dead

Eventually you run out of reasons to fight. The old excuses just don't cut it anymore and you give up.
You don't mean to give up, or maybe you do, I don't know. It just sort of seems to happen.
One minute you're so ready to beat this thing, to finally start your life,
then the next minute you simply want to fall back into the abyss.
No struggle, no battle, just simple resignation.
Fighting is hard,
it's exhausting.
And it doesn't seem to get any easier with time.
In fact it only seems to get harder.
As you begin to realize just how messed up you are, you wonder how you'll ever un-tangle yourself.
To make it worse, you have no idea how the mess was created.
It seems like one day you just woke up and were lost.
The reality is, though, you were drifting a long time before that.
You kept drifting further and further until one day you woke up and realized you were too far out to ever return.
Now, you look at the pieces of yourself lying scattered on the floor and can't remember how they ever fit together in the first place.
You realize that no matter how hard you try, it's always going to be a battle.
No matter how far forward you move, one let up and you'll be back at the beginning.
You must keep a constant vigil or risk slipping,
making all your hard work mean nothing.
You're not fighting an external enemy that you can simply vanquish.
You're fighting yourself.
And you can't escape.
So you stop trying.
You stop fighting because it's just too tiring.
You've long ago forgotten how to laugh, how to love, how to live.
But you know all too well how to be forgotten, how to disappear, and ultimately how to be dead
because although you've been alive for 17 years, you long ago stopped living.

2007-04-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

me: do u wan to eat this?
dad: no, u go ahead.
me: we need to talk.
dad:( watch tv)
me: we really need to talk.. will u neglact us when u got the gf?
dad:?? no, tts why im bringing u n bro to genting..
me: but u bring us along cos its " on the way" isnt it.
dad: of cos not.

( i walk away, cos i started tearing.)

2007-04-02T17:25:00.000+08:00

so my dad finally blew up, after several attempts to attract his attention...showing attitude is just another way of me trying to attract his attention...and why the need of attracting HIS attention when he as my dad is suppose to show me his attention? heh, tts simple. cos he got himself a gf and is now constanly trying to impress his gf and thus yeap.. negecting me, his little girl.

i donte think he knew my problem with him getting a gf, but in fact i've got a huge one with it. i tried telling him one night, but i started crying b4 i can even start on the topic... and he didnt even realise tt i cried.. tts pathetic.. see how insensitive is tt? ... i appear rlly nice to the gf thou.

ok forget it, tts contadicting. i think the problem lies with me being too insecure.. im afaid tt i might be neglacted( which is alrdy happening i guess)...

this happen u grow up in a not so proper family...

2007-03-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

EMO LA!

c'mon, i donte wan to hear anything tts related to weight.. esp weight gain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i guess i need not say more... cause isnt it obvious that someone mention i put on weight?

=(

2007-03-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

ok.. i think i might be getting my navel pierce tmr...
provided tt i donte chicken out last min... which i think is highly possible..

darm..

[edit]
i didnt chicken out.. i just STRAIGHTEN out my thought that mayb i will lose weight first b4 going for piercing.. navel pierce doesnt look good on fat tummy...

HMPF..

screw girls with natural flat abs...

2007-03-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

So i went out with jack today and I received the biggest bouquet of flowers from him, 7 big stalks of sunflowers... And not forgetting my favourite royce chocolates( bitter nama)! he brought me to have a taste of cha soba( cold noodle) at suntec before bringing me to waraku for dinner.. So after which he pop the question.. i refused to give any answer.. yes, im touched upon seeing the presents( i mean which girl donte?) one more thing, anything tt i say wow he will ask " u want?" and im too pretty amazed by the small gesture like holding the door for me and him always follwing the "ladies first" concept... those rlly rlly impressed me..... but im still unclear about this whole thing... ok so i guess that also mean that im not ready for another relationship yet...wadever la..i donte wan this entry to be an emo one..HAHA... a step at a time n see how..

but seriously it feels good having someone wooing you..trying hard to get into ur good books.. HAHA...

the freaking heavy bouquet..
the bitter nama from royce..
the presents...
i look rlly retard... no tts not the point...

School is starting in approximately 22 days and im not ready at all... bahh... firstly i need to seriously diet (all the flabs on my body are annoying me) ever since i left db, weight rose like nobody business... HAHA that sucks isnt it? but the irony is that, i love to eat..esp those fatty fatty food... ok guess tt explain the size now... arughh... Secondly, more clothes pls!!!!!!!!!! I haven really had FUN this holiday yet, so im pretty excited about the trip to the neighbouring genting this early april..

[edit] no, im not complaining but hmm.. i think the flowers look abit like those flower basket tt appear at funeral.. ok touchwood...

BYE=)

2007-03-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

The 7 deadly ~~sins~~ food( inspired by what i've been binging on this holiday)

1.)BEARD PAPA

I totally dig beard papa! i love the cream puff( smooth, cold and rich cream* lick) i ate the new chocolate eclair cream puff today... wooooo... i love it!

2.) FRIED OMELETTE
Omg, need i say more? the chilli, the omelette and the oysters.. perfection.. and btw i've been continously been eating this for 3 days...

3.) CREAM CRACKER aka su da bing
my all time favourite before bed snack... my grandma bought a tin of this evil crackers and i finish the whole tin( not at a shot thou).. its rlly delicious!

4.) CHEESECAKE
Orea cheesecake, cheesestick( beardpapa), new york cheesecake, the big o, strawberry cheesecake so and and so forth... so can u tell how much i love cheesecake???

5.)MUDPIE( esp nydc)
mudpie, the combination of ice cream, brownie and of cos chocolate fudge...

6.)CHOCOLATES!!!!!!
Bitter nama chocolate from royce’! an instant pick-me-up! it worked wonders! Each boxes contain 20 small pieces and it comes with ice pack to keep the chocos chilled for about 5 hours..
wonderful for a chocolate lover like me=)

7.)COOKIESi love the famous amos no nut chocolate chips cookies( ok my food always rotate ard chocolate..LOL) crispy and smell rlly rlly rlly nice... even my grandma like the cookies from amos...

and if u haven notice.. i've got rlly rlly sweet tooth.. LOL.. i love anything tt is sweet and of cos sweet guys too.. LOL...

2007-03-23T13:35:00.000+08:00

ugly template.. but soon, it will be pretty...
im changing my template...

2007-03-23T05:39:00.000+08:00

so ystd i had the worst experience of my life ..

its ard 3 am plus when i started trembling and my heartbeat started racing..
Soon after a while i found myself struggling to breathe...
i swear tt i almost died( ok im exaggerating, but its rlly terrible)
i dunno if its an asthma attack...or worse still a heart attack...
for tt moment, i cant breathe and my body started feeling all nauseous..
i wanted to puke, but i cant...
and i almost dialed 995... but i got better after like 1.5hr of struggling...

i never have any issue with heart disease or asthma from young even thou both illnesses are under my family medical history.. so can someone tell me whats happening to my body???

2007-03-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

BANGS OFF!!!!

YEAH! BANGS OFF!!!! im super happy with my hair now.. its so bouncy and light...
i've never been short hair since more than a decade ago...heh... so its quite a break through.. heh...AND DONT U PEOPLE SAY I LOOK BETTER WITH MY OLD HAIRSTYLE COS I KNOW U R FREAKING LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!

[edit]
bahh.. im sad..... aunt said tt my concave not smooth enough... that sucks... will go for a trim soon.. ahh....

2007-03-20T15:58:00.000+08:00

buffet, shopping, buffet and shopping again...
this cycle have repeated at least 3 times since last week...
and this time, im rlly left with little money=(

arizona, hong kong, macau and now philippine...
my dad is having hell of a great time travelling ard the globe...
and he loves feeding us with his exotic adventure( the question is who actually listen? LOL)..

meeting up with diana today instilled in me an insatiable desire to travel. to get out of my comfort zone again and search for some off-beaten track. again the great foreign world has been romanticised again, but i can't help wanting to see more, know more, and understand a life beyond my own.

i think i would like a taste of another life.

2007-03-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

HILARIOUS...

recently i rejected most sms-es from guys...
and theres one particular guy who is extremly funny and i salute him for his never say die spirit...
but still im not gonna reply..

so he have been smsing me and i didnt reply cos i think theres not a need to...
nd i tot he would probably give up asking me out...
but no he didnt... he sent me a message via friendster

the msg goes...
hi, i heard the stomp the yard is a great movie.. interested to catch it together???

haha... but yeap, im not gonna reply still....

i guess monday im gonna go chop off my bangs...
im so sick n tired of long hair... i wan a new hairstyle!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

i donte mind remaining friend with ex...
but i do mind when they start asking if im attached...

i felt offended...

2007-03-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

Recently i found myself lack of motivation and energy.
I've also came to realise that the cause of my insomnia is probably the result because of being insecure, paranoid and neurotic.
And also the lack of confidant. Someone to pour my sorrows...

i haven had a goodnight sleep since like 87837594590382 days...
its either that i woke up half way or i couldnt even sleep....
so i conclude that depression is coming my way...

my life kind of sucks these days....

2007-03-10T08:48:00.000+08:00

"You can do it. Say goodbye to being a victim. Small step by small step, you can achieve your goals. You may trip up, you may have setbacks - but remember - failure isn't fatal!"

When you fall, stand up again.

i haven caught a wink since 32 hours ago... dad said its because of too much nap in the noon ( and no tts not true) aunt say insomnia.. yes i believe INSOMNIA.. i need slpin pills but am too coward to take it, what if i take and never wake up... helll nooo!! i've got tons of fun waiting for me!!!!!!

jackson is so excited over the "date". its wierd to see someone getting so excited over a date.. and its not even exactly a date, but just a dinner... or mayb its because its with me and thats why so excited.. haha and how honoured is that... im not excited.. but just the normal type of looking forward kind of thing, not excited... rlly...

i miss ahzhigi....

2007-03-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

im a fcuking glutton pls....
im craving for INTERNATIONAL BUFFET LIKE NOW... AT THIS HOUR FOR GOODNESS SAKE...

why the sudden crave? because while working today, we started discussing about the buffet we went b4.. and that just trigger the binge button... so we started buying alot of food to munch in the shop( sushi, custard rolls, mini eclairs).. and when i went home, i continue to eat( cracker, dumpling, egg roll, sweets).. hahaha total enjoyment...

i seriously have not been exercising after i quit db... plain lazy.....
kl trip cancelled... next time i guess=)

* my tummy is like bloated now... HAHAHAA

2007-03-04T03:13:00.000+08:00

Meredith: At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

I want to cross the line. Any line. I want to do something unexpected. Spontaneous. Something. Anything.
Just take me over the edge.

American next top model cycle 8 have just started.. and i just finished watching the episode 2..
and boy, those girls can really bitch! i think renee is too insecure, she is constantly thinking about her baby... Jael is trying too hard to be good with everyone that she is afraid tt if she do well, they will hate her.. what a stupid thought... its a competition for goodness sake!!!!! and sarah bragged too much.... TOO MUCH....kathleen got eliminated, i donte rlly like her anyway... i personally think the two plus size models are good... i rlly like felicia, she is gorgeous. Jaslene arnt to bad either. i love the show!

2007-02-25T03:40:00.000+08:00

i was talking to this guy friend of mine on the phone...
and we were surprised by how time passes so fast..

no fears and no rules t-shirt...
platform shoes and trail slipper( and then u exhange urs with ur fren so tt u've got different colours) cockroaches fringe...
these were all like so yesterday kind of things..

we both agreed that we've never thought that we will one day be laughing about the past and all that.. otherwise we wouldnt have follow the so called trendy fashion then...

Then i started recalling.. and i realised im never the geek in the class, im always the hippier one and was never alone... always surrounded by really nice, friendly and those who never-once-left-me friend... I mean well, i understand that currently we r leading our own life alrdy but im still glad for those wonderful memories u guys left me... So my best primary sch friend is definately ng aiyi anabelle( i used to go to her hse to swim, she even taught me how to rollar blade!) and not forgetting my seocndary school unforgettable friend, estee lau huixian..
And currently, i assumed it have to be the monsterteers( jayne n pam)... really the days in db with u girls were rlly rlly rlly fun, nvm if the ppl there werent nice but u girls rlly totally rock my world....AND YES.. jessica sara young chunchu is another bitch that i love and who love me( i assume heh..)

So the past weekend was an absolute blast and very special to me. First i went shopping with my dearest jessica then dinner with the gang... i came as a tangled ball of insecurities, a little worried about how conversations would turn out after not seeing each other for 2 months. but i came away remembering and affirming all the reasons why we became and are friends.

and rob
by
boy,
in the midst of jumping from rock to rock and slipping down a cliff face, you taught me about friendship again and about investing in people for the long-term. the here-and-now is not enough and should not be delimiting.

i can possibly go on gushing, but in short, thank you for sharing life with me.

Fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we're going to be friends
white stripes---"we're going to be friends",
heard this during the tcc session, at which point i realized all of us are going to stay friends..

cheers to all my beloved friends=)

2007-02-22T17:29:00.000+08:00

i was talking to lawrence. he asked if i believed everything happened for a reason. he asked if i believed in the chaos theory/butterfly effect, if i believed in god. i said everything did happen for a reason but couldn't explain that it's hard to find sometimes. i realize now, what i meant is it is not only is it hard to find but it's hard to have that be enough. it's something i know i couldn't explain to him because he just isn't that way. he knows happiness and god and it's almost as if he seems unstoppable. he still knows what it is to be a kid, he still swears he's invincable.

i have only ever really known being infinite as something that happens in a moment.

one moment and then it is gone.

i am in tears, though i don't know why.

2007-02-22T02:23:00.000+08:00

2007-02-17T21:32:00.000+08:00

OH WEL...ITS Valentine's day.. AGAIN..

A lonely valentine's day i had..

I woke up 3pm and almost forgot that it was valentine's until i saw the sms-es sent by a couple of ppl.. and im like oh ya hor.. its valentine's...

So anyway we shall forget about NOW lets recall the PAST...

hmm lets talk about the best valentine's celebration ever...

Mine was really old school with a twist of sweetness...

Western cuisine by the riverside...

sparkle sticks, candles and of cos not forgetting roses=)

YES people, flowers are my weakness( i like daisy, sunflower will do too..LOL)...

After which we had the longest and the most romantic walk ever along the riverside...

oh well.. the end.. we broke up soon after.. HAHA..

GONG XI GONG XI!!!!

A PRE HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!!

As usual im spending the night at my auntie's hse till day 2 of CNY..

Had the most sumptious reunion dinner... my stomach is almost bursting... stretching to its maximum...

haha i noe the pic is freaking ah lian-ish... wadever...

BYE PPL... more pics coming up...

2007-02-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

You know what?
I fucking hate blogger now because of the new blogger system shit...
Its really very user UNFRIENDLY...

Skipped the last 2 lessons of school...Felt really down, just want to lie in bed and not going anywhere( well i cant anyway)
I tried to make myself feel better by going for a hair cut, hair treatment, new colour, body massage and even facial... And of cos nth works...
but at least im feeling pretty now..

6 more days to CNY and im feeling crap... I cant find "gong xi gong xi" feeling anywhere...
I promise to write smth proper aft CNY.. im just so not in the mood for blogging..

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

2007-02-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

Maybe she just feels like she's never good enough.
Not a good enough friend,
Not a good enough girl,
Not a good enough sister, daughter,student, athlete.
And maybe she's just sick of trying.
Maybe she's sick of crying.

2007-02-07T17:27:00.000+08:00

This is rlly not an emo entry... so people.. please.. PLEASE and yes please donte ask me anything cos im keeping my mouth sealed... I donte wan people coming after me.. telling me things like they will always be there for me... its ok... or much worst.. trying to force me tell them what is happening to me...

Other than Skye... no one really understand what im going thru currently... Its really eating me up.. bits by bits... Skye is suffering just like me.. or mayb worse than me...

2007-02-04T01:49:00.000+08:00

i am blessed.

even with stuffy noses. and pins and needles in my leg.

grandma cooks dinner and whips up the extra special meal that shows how much attention and effort goes into the meal.
ellisa nags at me to take vitamin pills and makes ginseng tea for me.
diana puts up with all my inconsistencies and lets me tag along in her adventures and live vicariously off her. the human leech i am...
dad drives me from place to place and makes it a point to call me to check if im better..

and beyond all this, i see admirable qualities in this people. things that let me know that i benefit beyond their care, i learn from them as well.

grandma reminds me of discipline, of dedication and devotion. and is a yardstick for me to live up to.
ellisa reminds me of sensitivity, awareness and inner beauty. i see someone smart who doesn't let his intellect get to his head (or maybe those times when i beat him on online sudoku does that...) but one with also a gentleness in spirit
diana inspires me. she always has and always does, there are too many things she has taught and shared with me over the years to be listed here. i at times envy her, but mostly look up to her.
dad reminds me of fine wine. witty funny capable. somebody i would like to be. firm, tough and yet compassionate.

there are alot of people who have given me something to ponder over, who have challenged me and helped me to grow.
but these listed above are my here and now.

thank you for loving me.

2007-02-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

Im so sad AND scared.. because i skipped too many lessons this semester... i cant skip anymore otherwise i CONFIRM will fail.. gosh.. and i of cos donte wan it to happen=( so out of no choice... i have to drag and pull myself to school from now onwards.... i hate school=(

This image was 2 days ago.. drew by creative jessica sarah while im aslp in class=X So cute right...

CAM WHORING.... wendy and i...

2007-01-28T16:21:00.000+08:00

I reached home at 7.30am on sat.. i slept and woke up 3 hrs later for my facial.... its was oh-so-relaxing( except for the occasional pricking and squeezing)... i headed straight home after facial for more sleep and to my surprise I broke my own record.. i slept for 24 hrs=)
i've never had such long and nice sleept for like 5433456789 yrs..

GARY'S BDAE
Lots of dancing.. gary had great fun and was drunk like when its not even half of the night.. LOL..party ended ard 5... so we chilled ard and i had lots of fun playing with gary's lie detector even thou i doubted its reading.. sent estee to the taxi stand and ate at mac while waiting for the first bus.. YES.. IM A BLOODY CHEAPO.. i wanted save on taxi fare.. LOL...

i so so so so miss clubbing.. i cant wait till im 18 this oct!!!!

IM STARTING WORK THIS TUE... i can hardly wait..
i hope that the ppl there are nice=)

2007-01-25T10:27:00.000+08:00

Poor tummy has been acting kind of wierd for the past 32 hours..

YESTERDAY
20 of us pon class... and left 5 ppl in class for lesson.. how nice=)
went shopping( YES AGAIN) with jessica... bought lots of clothes...
So who says ang moh cant bargain? Jessica did a freaking good job at bargaining for goodness sake.. i lost... i donte even attempt to bargain at all.. LOL..

and my bank a/c is officially wiped clean..
blame the weekly shopping sprees, the online buys ,not forgetting the buffets and chocolates!!!!!
darm.. and now, who say im slimming down again?

i've got tons of tagged clothes untouch in my cupboard...HAHA..
why untouch? because i spend most of my time in school.. and i donte see the need to wear so nice to sch.. occasionally is well ok... but not always... a basic and a jeans is good enough for me...

TODAY
I didnt wan to go to school because of my tummy pain.. and so i called jessica..
so she was like ...go to sch!!!!!!!! we have only attended once this week!!! HHAHA...
so we went....we were late for class thou.. Class was fun( i've always like culture), out of 5 groups only 3 were present..

Did i mention that i've got the job?? Yeap.. i got the job.. starting next week... i haven been serving customer for like a freaking long time.. i hope i haven gone rusty or sort.. HAHA...
Since im working in beauty shop, i ought to have nicer skin.. definately better a looking skin than now... so i've just got myself an appointment for facial this sat.. HAHA.. dad will be paying=)

Things i need to do b4 CNY
1.) Shop for CNY stuff.. clothes, bags.. etc.. (its never enough)
2.) Facial..( i wan nice nice skin)
3.) Haircut..( its getting out of shape)
4.) DIET!!!!!( arughhh)